February 13th, 2014
Child custody cases present challenges for all persons who are seeking
custody of a child. The challenges may be emotional, financial and logistical.
Parents who are willing to take the extra steps during and throughout the
litigation process appear to have better success in obtaining more custodial
periods of time with the child/children.
Counseling
The first step that a parent can do to manage the emotional challenges is to
hire a licensed professional counselor known as an “LPC.” An LPC can assist
parents to emotionally handle the divorce, the major changes, and the ups and
downs of the divorce process. Often during a divorce parents have anger
directed at the other spouse who may have had an affair or may have otherwise
caused the breakup of the marriage. If that spouse does not obtain counseling
to assist them in dealing with the anger issues, those issues may adversely
affect their chances at obtaining a favorable child custody ruling. Parents who
appear in court and express negative feelings and events of the other spouse may
be perceived by the court to be the person causing problems and therefore less
likely to obtain a favorable child custody ruling. However, if that same person
obtains counseling and is able to let go of some of the anger issues, and
express the negative problems of the other spouse while at the same time
expressing positive issues, that person will likely have a more favorable
outcome in their case. Even if a parent does not have anger issues, counseling
may help them express themselves more clearly and in a better light.
Face Book, Emails and Text Messages
Parents need to avoid using Face Book before and during litigation. They
should assume that anything they post on face Book will be provided to their
spouse and used against them in Court. The same is true with emails and text
messages. All of these communications may be used in court. If a parent is
angry they need to refrain from sending a communication until they have calmed
down. They should not send communications about drug and alcohol use as these
messages may indicate a substance abuse problem.
On the other hand the parents should communicate information about the
children to the other spouse. Those communications should include updated
information about health, education and activities of the children. The
parentss should get input from the other spouse as to all major decisions
regarding the children.
You should not direct derogatory language at your spouse. The
child/children should never hear you make negative comments about the other
parent.
Child Custody, Visitation and Custodial Periods of Time Before the Court
Makes a Ruling
Parents should try to allow the other spouse to access and visitation with
the child/children. However, when the child is provided to the other spouse,
what does the spouse do if that spouse refuses to return the child/children. In
cases were there is a legitimate fear that the spouse will, not return the child
there are two ways to handle the issue. The parent can have the spouse sign a
written agreement indicating when they will return the child. This method
provides some limited protection but is not as good as having an interim court
order. By using a written agreement the spouse who violates the written
agreement without good cause may not be favored by the judge when the case goes
to trial. The preferred method is to obtain an interim consent judgment,
whereby the judgment is signed by the judge. If a consent judgment is obtained
and a spouse/parent fails to return the child then a civil warrant may be issued
for return of the child or a rule for contempt may be filed. In some cases the
sheriff department may assist in obtaining a return of the child but that does
not work in all cases.
The parties should keep in mind that they should attempt to follow the prior
routines that the child/children have had before the separation occurred.
Removing the child/children from school and hiding the child/children from the
other parent may result in an unfavorable ruling by the court.
You should strive to allow regular telephone, skype and other visitation
with the other parent unless that person has significant and severe issues such
as drugs/alcohol or severe mental illness.
Drug Testing and Alcohol use
If a parent uses drugs that are not prescribed by a physician they should
refrain from using such drugs at least 90 days before the trial and should seek
substance abuse counseling. Often a judge will order drug testing for both
parents in a custody case. Such testing may include urine, hair follicle and
nail testing. It is better to do something about any problem you have rather
than try to cover up the problem.
If you have a problem with the use of Alcohol, it is recommended that you
join Alcoholics Anonymous, attend regular AA meetings and follow the 12 step
program. The same is true if you have a drug problem. It is recommended that
you join Narcotics Anonymous attend regular NA meetings and follow the 12 step
program.
Mental Health Issues
If you have a mental health condition that has been diagnosed, it is
recommended that you regularly see a psychologist/psychiatrist and obtain and
use any necessary medication. Regular therapy and medication may make a
significant difference in the outcome of your case. Most judges are sensitive to
the fact that many people have issues in their lives. Judges tend to be
forgiving of problems people may have if the person take steps to remedy the
issue and get help.